Tears over Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) issues

Monday question, “When did you last cry over your child (tears of happiness or sadness)?”

My reply: Overwhelm around the EHCP

Kevin said yesterday: “The storm never lasts forever. Just when you think it will, it won’t.”

But two weeks in to the Easter holidays it was the eye of the storm for me. I was desperately trying to work on Coraline’s EHCP whilst also looking after her each day, and not being able to get to anything else on my list. An EHCP is a statement identifying needs and the additional support required to meet them. It requires a considerable amount of thought and input from us, school and all Coraline’s therapists.

I began to rope Kevin in to help me by looking after Coraline more (even more than the hour or two he would already look after her each day in the holidays) so I could race off and do some power work on the EHCP. The only thing we could take Coraline out for, during the holidays, were walks with friends, due to lockdown rules. I felt bad that life was boring for her too and she had begun to cry out on these walks and not be able to settle. I didn’t know why. Then for me: overwhelm. Tears.

For me it’s always the same, when I have a to do list I can’t do and it was also a moment where Coraline had reactions I couldn’t help her with. But I am recognising what tips me over and putting measures in place around that.

Reframing my thoughts

As ever Kevin told me to feel my feelings fully, so then they don’t get stuck, and we looked at me reframing my thoughts and saying kinder things to myself. The saying is true. This too shall pass. It’s just a moment in time. Coraline is now back at school. She’s happy. She even picked up a spoon again this week, though she didn’t continue to use it; she tried it. I am getting things done. We have her EHCP meeting tomorrow to look at all the reports and all I diligently prepared from us as parents. The sun is shining again, and so are we.

Driving home today from Coraline’s physio session, I saw a chalkboard sign outside a pub that said, “life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”. It’s so true. So whilst we do know it’s going to pass, it’s also about being able to sit with the feelings and the emotions whilst the storm is there. The secret is in allowing them.