Influence on family
This week’s blogging question:
“How has Coraline influenced her family’s life?”
I asked Coraline’s Uncle Ed to answer this one:
“I could easily write a million blogs on how much joy and happiness Coraline brings to the family, or how she brings us all closer together, or how utterly sweet she is. But there’s some bigger lessons she offers up as a mirror to my own life...
Live with no fear
Coraline lives in a place of trust. When I was visiting her in her new home in Devon a dog rushed up to her, and she didn’t even flinch as she isn’t scared of dogs: she’s just never been told that some dogs can be dangerous. This struck me so clearly that fear is learned. So somewhere along the line I’ve learned to put fear first, and trust second. Hyper vigilant, constantly scanning in order to be prepared for any and every eventuality. You never know, the worst might just happen!
How freeing it would be to come from a place of trust instead, like Coraline does, to let go of all that endless energy prepping for the worst case scenario that almost never happens anyway. This “scanning” approach has no doubt stood me in good stead in life, and kept me safe, but now it’s outstayed its welcome and it’s time to take a leaf out of Coraline’s book and step back into trust again. So bring on the scary dogs of life - I’m ready for them!
Expand your world
Lockdown reduced Coraline’s world to pretty much just her, Liz and Kevin and the occasional visitor, like me. The smaller her world became, the more she gravitated towards wanting to be at home - a place of familiarity and sanctuary for her. When she was out and Liz was meeting friends, she would climb back into her pram, signalling she wanted to go back home. She sought the comfort of her small but known world.
But now she’s back at nursery and her world is expanding again. Instead of reaching for the pram, she’s now cuddling with the teachers and crawling about in the garden and relishing her time there. Her life is getting richer again!
That’s helped me to see that now lockdown is over, it’s important for me to keep expanding my own world and not stay small in life. It would be easy to stay in the bubble of watching Netflix (pass me the takeaway menu while you’re at it please), but no - it’s now all about grabbing new experiences and growth, growth, growth! And dating! I thrive with the connection and stimulation of others, just as Coraline’s found. Only I’m not yet crawling around gardens, but make mine a large one and you never know…!
Ask for your needs to be met
If I try and give Coraline a drink she doesn’t want or a book she doesn’t like she’ll forcibly push my hand away. If she doesn’t like something on TV or a nursery rhyme she’ll making a little shriek. She 100% knows her own mind and is not inhibited about telling you!
In life, I can be wary of asking for my own needs to be met, for fear of offending by saying I don’t want to do something, or don’t like something. All from a lifelong habit of making sure others are OK before myself. If they’re OK, I’m OK.
Not so with Coraline, where there’s such charm and simplicity to her saying “No!” I always laugh when she does it. She so fiercely knows what she wants that I only love her more for it. I can learn from her that the more I say what I really want, the more I will be respected and accepted, not rejected.
The power of touch
One thing I absolutely love is how she climbs on me and sits on my lap, with that little warm body of hers squiggling around. I realise how much I crave that feeling of touch or a hug, denied so much over the pandemic, and how simple it is with her. No fear of intimacy or expectation for me to do anything, just a simple connection that brings love bubbling up. So bring on the hugs now we’re allowed to again!
So, thank you Coraline for all I am learning from you. Now where’s my phone, I’ve got a date to organise…”